aye.

WOAH

...

so
reading freud
reminds me so much of my state of mind when i was first learning this stuff. it's intense. separation between ego and object, stuff like that. i forgot about all that. i was living IN those concepts when i first learned them. i know many people are opposed to freud's views, but i think it's mainly that they are intimidated by how much he uses sexuality in relation to things we consider to be 'normal'. but isn't sexuality normal? this is why i like him so much. he acknowledges that humans, no matter how mentally capable we are, are animals.
he relates an 'oceanic feeling' (such as love, religion, etc...) to object rather than ego. ego would be one's PERSONAL experience, how one's mind views things. object is anything outside one's ego, basically. so this oceanic feeling is when the line between ego and object can no longer be distinguished, such as when one is in love, or relating to a higher being, or in any other state of not being able to separate the two.
i'm not even finished with the first chapter of the book where i'm learning this. it's crazy. i love it though.

what else is happenin....?
i hate cats!!! i had an allergic reaction to a cat the other day, and i freaked out because i was prettymuch positive it was strep throat, so i went to my doctor and was on the verge of tears, just to find out i'm just EXTREMELEY allergic to stupid fucking cats!!!!! man, i hate cats.

nothing else is too new. my life is in a grey area right now, i'm not sure if i like that. i'm working on it though.